The last blog entry discussed the topic, "Why God Hides:" he is waiting, wanting us to want him. But have you ever realized that people hide too? With all the wonder & worry debated on why humans are lonely, alienated and are longing for community; people fail to notice, sad to say, most loneliness is self-inflicted. The way communication is modeled in the modern day American home is the primary culprit on why we are lonely, alienated and outside community. Sure, sure, electronic gadgets have a big part to play in our isolation, but I believe people go to their gadgets because gadgets don't hurt; especially compared to conversation with other human beings! What causes this hurt?
Sarcasm, the language that cuts like a knife. Sarcasm is intended to be light hearted & funny, it is a way to say "I like you and you know everything I say is said in jest? You know I am just foolin', don't cha?" Do you really want to hear the truthful answer to that question, which no one will honestly give you because they don't want to be mocked further? Well hear it is, "No, I am never quite sure when you are joking or are actually telling the truth." So we have learned the half chuckle, "Ha, ha, you are soooooooo funny...(NOT!)." Sarcasm cuts both the one speaking and the one being spoken to, and boy does it hurt (But you are a sissy if you say so). How does it hurt the one speaking? It is easier to veil your heart with messages mixed of both humor and seriousness, than it is to be vulnerable and a person who cares enough to tell you the unvarnished truth. With sarcasm veiling becomes habitual. Fathers tell their sons they are "dorks, idiots and butt-heads," from a heart that kinda enjoys their son, but more often than not they are to play-down their irritation and maybe a simmering dislike for their son. What do you think a son hears? "Dad is kinda funny. Yeah, I know, I am an idiot! But... secretly I am not quit sure what he really thinks about me?" So when the son goes to school, how do you think he learned to talk to his friends? This is why teen-age boys talk like cavemen, "Ughh, me stupid, you stupider." It's easier to laugh with your friends watching You Tube than having a real conversation! Tell me, when a son is really confused about who he is, where he belongs, or why he is getting arm pit hair, do you think he wants to face a barrage of sarcasm from his dad? No, so the son hides. And guess what, I haven't even talked about the heart of a daughter that perpetually craves the attention of a caring father. Sarcasm, however, keeps the daughter always at arms length; and it makes the arms of their boyfriend that much more attractive. Sarcasm at it's core is a cheap way to win and be better than everyone in the house; it gives you the advantage to still be on top, to judge the motives and worth of the other by adding a little twist of humor to deflect the full blow. Paper cuts are small, they don't seem like much...but they sure do hurt like the dickens! And when one gets infected, it can really cause some damage. Oh how I long for one male friend to listen to me without a chuckle, a snide sideways smile, or a triumphant tone of 'been there, done that.' In the meantime, hand me my iPad and headphones, I want to watch the radar.
9 Comments
stacie
2/4/2014 11:33:15 pm
So....for me sarcasm is exactly what you said...it cuts so deep. It was never really in my family so I didn't really learn it from that. Thankfully. I think you were spot on too when you said people hide and they definitely hide behind sarcasm. There are a few people in my life who use sarcasm in literally every word to me that eventually (after a few hours) I fire back with a sarcastic remark and walk away hurt because that is not who I want to be or how I want to talk. I don't understand why people think that makes a relationship/friendship work. Because you're right these people in my life who are sarcastic 100% of the time have completely pushed me away from them...to the point where I struggle with sin because I have grown such a strong dislike for them or to even be around them :( On a rare occasion sarcasm is funny right? but not to the point of tearing someone down or constantly pushing them further into their insecurities. I really didn't have a lot to say except I completely agree with you and am slightly convicted...family gatherings are huge for me...I tend to turn sarcastic to be funny or even just join a conversation...really really enjoying your blog. Thanks for sharing your heart!
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Chris
2/5/2014 12:00:32 am
I think there is a difference between fun and open communication sprinkled with humor, laughter and joking. Sarcasm's intent is to hide, to push you down quick so I win. Sarcasm also has me guessing all the time,"Are they serious?" Good humor never puts that into question.
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Bird Legs
2/5/2014 06:45:08 am
Honyak
Dmax
2/5/2014 12:00:44 am
Nailed it... this is an epidemic in the heart of the teenage boy. I see it on weekly basis with how boys treat one another, and so much has to do with dads not showing any kind of affirmation towards their sons, but rather constantly engaging them in a half-hearted manner; whereby their main mode of communication is sarcasm. This leaves the boy always questioning himself in everything! "Am I good enough, am I smart enough, do I have what it takes..."? It's absolutely paralyzing to the development of a healthy self image and beyond that, it effects their ability to have genuine and deep relationships with others. Thanks Chris for being a voice of affirmation and truth in my life!
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Chris
2/5/2014 12:15:23 am
Well said, and sadly, very true. Thanks D for your insight!!
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Christopher Weeks
2/5/2014 07:24:20 am
Hey Honyak,
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sedgar
2/5/2014 09:40:52 am
I promise I'm not going to comment on every post...no seriously, I won't.
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Christopher Weeks
2/5/2014 10:03:15 am
Dear Seth,
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doug
2/5/2014 01:08:11 pm
i truly don't know how to react to this blog, after all i don't have a serious bone in me. i've kidded around with people my whole life, not thinking that they might be hurt or offended. i have never tried to promote myself as being better than anyone else or intentially offend anyone. i wonder do they have a twelve step program for people addicted to sarcasm? i don't know if i would know how to have a conversation with anyone without slipping in some kind of sarcasm in our time together. i might have to stop talking to people period.(i am not being sarcastic with this statement). i guess i would be open to suggestions. thanks chris for the guilt you laid on me. whoops there i go again.
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