The lunatic is in my head You raise the blade, you make the change You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane You lock the door And throw away the key There's someone in my head but it's not me. I shared a bedroom with my brother Don growing up. He liked Pink Floyd...he kept to himself while playing many disturbing records, Pink Floyd being one of them. I never told him, but I liked it when he played "Brain Damage." It is creepy, it is eerie, haunting. I think it contributed in large part to my current strangeness and delight in the odd. The main theme of the song is that deep down inside of me are irregular and even aberrant thoughts that must be kept behind lock and key. I must not allow them out because I will be found out. I am half-crazy. So overtime, I have learned how to only reveal my sane side. I know how to hide. But the older I get, I realize that what most people consider sanity is really insane ... that is, if eternity actually exists. (And this belief in eternity contributes to most of my most insane beliefs....imagine, I will live forever in a world that will look and operate like nothing I have ever seen before? Now that is crazy!) I now see that my insanity may just be sanity. I first started chewing on this idea after watching the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. (The second one with Johnny Depp is O.K., he just doesn't have the same disguised twistedness as Gene Wilder). What I noticed is that Willy Wonka never answered people on the level in which they posed their questions. He always changed it, because he never accepted their view of reality: Violet Beauregarde: Well, they can't be real people. Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people. Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense! Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas. The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas? Willy Wonka: From Loompaland. Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place. Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but... Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography. Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Each time they tried to push their reality on Willy, he changed it back to his. What I have learned, is that people will try to dictate your reality all the time. And "supposed" sanity in our world is to live in the reality that is agreed upon by the majority of earth-dwellers. (People who live for the here and now). This reality is expected and assumed. But I am realizing that this position is insane...especially if eternity exists! For far too long, I have lived in other people's vision of sanity. So when thoughts on the "dark side" of my brain started flooding in, I though I was insane. So to not be found out, that I may be insane, I learned how to communicate in ways people wanted me too so I seemed sane. Where Willy Wonka spoke his reality, I kept mine hidden (And still do for the most part). I did not want to make waves, conflict and disagreement, I have been told from sane reality's point of view, is bad. So I kept my reality under lock and key. (And for the most part I continue to do so) But with each gray hair, I am realizing I am letting other people's sanity make me insane. So the only sane thing to do is reveal my insane (eternally sane) thoughts. That is what Wednesday is going to be now: The slow leak of my insanity. The revelation of my brain damage. For the past 6 weeks I talked about "Cement & Truth." They were discussions about truths, but I was trying to speak the language from the humanly sane perspective - - I tried to reason with people in their reality. But what I found, is people are bored with things they have heard before. They assume they know things, when they know nothing, so when you discuss things they think they know, nothing results. I feel that is what happened for the most part with my Cement & Truth. (I did find, however, that there are some insane people out there that tracked with me). So I am going to take a stab at letting my "dark side" leak on Wednesdays. It is going to be called "Dark Side Chronicles." It will seem weird because most of us live in sanity, and if I was truly honest, I think that is insane. Two years ago I was asked to speak at a church conference, and the title of my session was, "Roadblocks the Church puts in front of Non-Church People." I discussed what I believe are some of the blind-spots Christians have concerning themselves that cause the non-Christian to avoid Jesus. I leaked some of my insanity in that session, and let's just say it was rather quiet after I was done. One of the pastors from my church went to hear my session, and afterwards he said, "Wow Chris, I never realized how much you actually hold back until I went to this session. It was rather shocking and unexpected." I asked him if that was a good thing? I am not sure if he ever gave me a response? So you see my trepidation... because I daily hear my thoughts, and I know....I am crazy.
5 Comments
Kim
4/30/2014 02:42:38 am
Yay! I can't wait to hear more!
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chris
4/30/2014 05:58:16 am
you dont know what you are asking for:)
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stacie
4/30/2014 04:47:54 am
I'm very excited to read some more. I love that you can preach a sermon on the woman at the well...a story I know very well and shed new light on it still. I personally think I am insane so I'm impressed that you have a clear enough mind to put things into words ;) ha! But in all seriousness...I think you're incredibly smart and wise and love learning from you!
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chris
4/30/2014 05:57:06 am
stacie, that really means the world to me!
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Jerry
4/30/2014 11:54:01 am
People have been telling me I'm crazy for decades. I'll take a seat on this train. TRUTH is always welcome.
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