Nothing like summer. Nothing like vacation. And there is nothing like a hot yellow sun to melt your worries of the past year away. I love this time of year, there are so many memories to be made, and so much great music to listen to. If you were to ask me which music groups played the best summer songs, I would definitely place the Beach Boys on my top ten list. They have that endless summer thing going. We all are familiar with the classic hit, "California Girls;" an ode to America's finest in the female gender, it just oozes with care-free sand and surf vibes. And just think, it was written well before Kaitlyn and the Kardashians could taint it with their strange brand of the new Californian woman. Well, growing up listening to "California Girl" on the radio, I never considered that one day, one of those beautiful blond surfer girls would end up being my very own niece, Nicki. She is great gal, a true Californian, and I had a few days to hang out with her and her family by my mom's poolside. As the curious uncle, I began to ask her what it was like to be a West Coast Girl. I wondered, "Is it difficult growing up in image obsessed Orange County?" I wanted the juice, the raw truth of California living. What does it really take to be a true California Girl, are they really that different, are they a cut above the rest of regular American girls? Her answers were very surprising... Nicki on Herself: "I go to a large High School in Southern California called Dana Hills. It has 4,000-5,000 students who mostly come from wealthy homes with ambitious parents. I play volleyball and it is really competitive. In fact, competition is everything in my school: from dating to sports, those who are the best, those who win, are the most popular. But what really determines ranking in the social circles is determined by looks and body image. The prettier you are the more popular you become. I'll be honest, it's not easy." I asked her how it is different from the rest of America? She replied, "It seems like everyone in Southern California is pretty, and most girls in my school look like they are made of plastic, they are so perfect. So there is a lot of pressure to keep up." I wondered if there was such a thing as mean girls? "Oh sure, if you don't bother them or annoy them, for the most part they will leave you alone. But you learn how to navigate around school over time, no big deal." Nicki on Dating: "Dating is huge, because it gives you identity. Guys have lists of all the hot girls in school. They actually keep track of all the girls they kiss at parties. It is really sad. However, I have a boyfriend that is different. I really respect him because he keeps me centered. He doesn't care about popularity, and he has high moral standards. People at my school love to party, (slang for drugs and marijuana), and sex is considered a normal part of the dating life; but not to my boyfriend. He respects me and we have a great friendship built on conversation. This isn't true for most couples, in fact it seems like the crowd lives by the slogan 'Yolo.' Well, that is really no longer considered to be the in phrase, most students in my school just say 'F___ It! Why not?' They are immediate pleasure seekers with no care for the future." Nicki on Friendship and Social Media: "People in my High School don't really use Facebook; everything is 'Instagram' and 'Snapchat'...image and moment. Everyone wants to be seen as having the funnest time now. Beach parties are everywhere with beer flowing. People just get their older friends to buy, and no one asks about how old you are, and if they do it is easy to get a fake I.D. I must say good friends are rare...but the group of friends I have are really close. We share a lot together. I am really lucky." I asked what makes a good friend? "People who don't judge you on looks, but who accept you for who you are." Nicki on People: I asked her if she thinks there is a difference between living in California and the Midwest? "I think there is a smaller Christian population at Dana Hills. We have FCA, but there are few people that really go. Out of a thousand students, you might find six genuine Christians. People will say all that matters is to 'be love' but I am not sure they really know what that means. If you really were to evaluate people on how they live, it seems like what matters is how well they hold their own at parties and if they fit in with the right social groups." What really interested me the most about my discussion with Nicki was her heart for her friends, especially how they relate to their parents. Talking with her I realize that teenagers everywhere must wrestle with the brokenness of life, and parents pay a primary role in this. Nicki said the closer her friends are with their mom and dad, the more stable they seem to be. But good relationships are like a rare jewel. Divorce and the need to succeed seem to be destroying her friends parent's lives. No longer do parents seem to care about their kid's lives, because they are too worried about their own. Nicki on her Parents: "I am incredibly close to my parents, but as I grow dynamics in our relationship have changed. I care tremendously about their opinions and viewpoints on life, I just don't tell them as much as I use to. I guess I want to appear that I can figure life out on my own; but if I were honest, I still need my mom and dad more than ever. Just don't tell them." So as a curious uncle, what have I learned? The human heart never changes. God has wired us to belong to a family. God has designed us to need our parents. And while the world tries to convince us that we don't, our heart tells us different. California dreaming is just that...more hype than reality. So parents, never forget, you still matter. God made it that way!
1 Comment
Tom Tom
8/5/2015 07:10:04 am
Wow that was great insight from you and your niece. I have been so blessed with my grown children who have been including us in all there major decisions. It is a very large honor. It was not always that way when they were in High school and college so we would just stood by until they needed us. I can't imagine a world without where my children and grand children were not part of our life. I could never put my personal goals and ambitions above that relationship. It would kill me and I am sure that is why there is so much depression and suicide because the parent child relationships have completely disintegrated in most of our society.
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