In my lifetime there has been increasing confusion about what it means to be a man - - and the accepted founts of wisdom in our popular culture don't seem to be helping. The media isn't helping, institutions of higher learning aren't helping, and the entertainment industry definitely isn't helping. Everywhere you look boys are being sent mixed messages about what it looks like to be an adult male: "Do I need to be aggressive like Schwarzenegger and Stallone, or sensitive and artistic like Beiber and Boy George? Should I be a macho-misogynistic creep like every man that is portrayed on Fast and Furious, The Hangover, Ted and any given Adam Sandler movie; or should I be tolerant and accepting toward every trans-gendered, transsexual, and homosexual pioneer like Bruce Jenner, Rue Paul, or Neil Patrick Harris? (That's Doogie Howser to people over 40). The road to masculine maturity seems to have taken a wrong turn onto the highway of ignorance and debauchery...I call this "Man, Interrupted!" Recently a motion picture has come out that features two of the most popular and acclaimed actors of our day, Robert Di Nero and Zac Efron. They have pooled their quite considerable talents together to put out a story that attempts to explore the depths of male relationships between a grandfather and his grandson. The older man just lost his wife and he decides to go on a long trip with his grandson in order to bond; it may be the last time they will have together because the grandson is about to get married. Now this is the kind of plot that should give us some deep insights into what American maleness means, what we as a culture should strive for as men. It's Robert Di Nero after all, one of Hollywood's all-time elites. He surely will lead us bravely on, won't he? According to Rotten Tomatoes, the film they made is so grotesque, dehumanizing, perverse and nauseating that it received 6 tomatoes out of a 100. The title of this movie is Dirty Grandpa, and instead of bringing some semblance of nobility to the masculine gender, it paints all men as a bunch of juvenile sex-driven animals. Just listen to one critic's opinion: "It is a deeply crass, cringe-inducing, spectacularly unfunny movie that this great actor thoroughly embarrasses himself in....They say attendance in churches is down nationwide. If it's ever proven the Devil is tormenting souls by playing "Dirty Grandpa" on an endless loop in Hell, I guarantee America's pews will be filled for however long there is life on this rock. People will not want to be saved from their sin. They'll want to be saved from this movie...It will make you feel bad for yourself, and anyone else who sees it, and anyone else who has to live in the world where it exists as a physical document." Is this what most Hollywood writers think of men - - we are all lust filled frat boys with no fear of God? Is that what boys think a man should be? If it is, we as a gender are done for. No wonder women don't seem to respect us or want us around anymore. I know Hollywood is only trying to make a quick buck, but society at large no longer cares that profit is gained at the expense of losing the male soul. One critic even laughingly accepts our collective slide into the sewer by saying, "The movie really goes for it - like, to a shocking degree. And, well, I laughed. (Ugh.)" The phrase, "I laughed" perfectly sums up where I find most men to be on their quest for maturity. To get any real insight about humanity and the male condition, there is only one place to go, God's word. It tells us the truth. Especially when it comes to what a man should be. When you spend enough time in the bible it will shock you to see just how different men in our world are as compared to the way Jesus lived. He was the ideal man. And he wants all men to be imitators of his life. As I study his life, I find three glaring differences as compared to the modern day ways we view masculinity: (1) Meekness: (2) Mercy: (3) Maturity through Suffering: MEEKNESS: "A bruised reed he will not break." (Matthew 12:20) This is a strange way to describe a man, as a person who will not break a bruised reed. What is a reed? A piece of grass or a stalk of cat-tail blowing in the breeze. In other words it is nothing. Jesus was described as caring for the bruised reed. Strange? This phrase is intended to explain his attitude toward the person who is weak, damaged and broken. A person who is as weak as a blade of grass Jesus wouldn't break. Instead of destroying the weak person, the failure, the loser, by either mocking them or having nothing to do with them; Jesus in contrast, seeks to restore. He sees brokenness in others as an invitation to help. He is drawn to the broken-hearted. A biblical man should be as well. How many men that you know are experts at sarcasm? How many will find that singular flaw in another human being and pick at it until that person falls and fails? How many men want nothing to do with the failures in this world? How many men are only out for themselves? How many men just want to be left alone? Most men I know see a bruised reed and break it, throw it on the ground and trample upon it. That is how they are taught. Jesus is different. He seeks to save. MERCY: "Mercy triumphs over judgement." (James 2:13) This quality is very similar to the previous quality, but it contains something that isn't included in the first: An amazement that I have escaped the judgment of God! And as a result of this new understanding, I must not judge others. Escape is the bi-product of mercy. God had pity on our state and in his kindness he let us go. He does not treat us as our sins deserve. Did you get that? There is only one way of telling if you do, you extend mercy to others. Most men in our culture never let people off the hook. If someone offends a man, we hold grudges, we start fights, we demand payment. We live by the motto, "A real man will never get run over. Don't tread on me." God let the world tread on his Son. And while it happened, he said nothing! He just watched as the world spit upon the face of his beloved. This is called mercy. A real man understands this and is quick to forgive, give another chance, and start relationships over. Men in our culture are allergic to mercy. Play some pick-up basketball and trash-talk is the name of the game. Watch a marriage and swearing and recrimination is the natural order. Because we can stomp on an accelerator in our truck we think we can stomp on the dignity of others without any consequences. This is why a vast majority of men feel alone - -they don't know how to extend mercy to others; therefore mercy is never given to them in return. MATURITY: "We are always given over to death for Jesus' sake." (2 Corinthians 4:11) Real men must win! No one wants to be a loser, right? But it is in the losing we finally learn how to become men. I have been reading a book about Abraham Lincoln and it argues that his greatness came from the overwhelming failure he endured in his life. Listen to this quote from the author of "Lincoln's Melancholy": “Lincoln's story confounds those who see depression as a collection of symptoms to be eliminated. But it resonates with those who see suffering as a potential catalyst of emotional growth. "What man actually needs," the psychiatrist Victor Frankl argued,"is not a tension-less state but rather the striving and struggling of a worthwhile goal." Many believe that psychological health comes with the relief of distress. But Frankl proposed that all people-- and particularly those under some emotional weight-- need a purpose that will both draw on their talents and transcend their lives. For Lincoln, this sense of purpose was indeed the key that unlocked the gates of a mental prison. This doesn't mean his suffering went away. In fact, as his life became richer and more satisfying, his melancholy exerted a stronger pull. He now responded to that pull by tying it to his newly defined sense of purpose. From a place of trouble, he looked for meaning. He looked at imperfection and sought redemption.” From a place of trouble, he looked for meaning. This is a man! A man faces failure, trouble and problems and then rises up from the ashes. The biblical word for this is "resurrection." Suffering is not seen as a scourge to a man, but as a catalyst for change and growth. Men plow through the trouble, boys quit. If there is anything that makes a man, it is the ability to persevere. When others stop, when others look for leisure as the endgame; a man uses his failure to become better. Men need a purpose, and it usually is suffering that helps define that purpose. Honestly men, aren't we made for more than watching Dirty Grandpa? And are movie lines all we will have to talk about in heaven when you meet Jesus face to face? Make your life count, push through your failure and find your purpose.
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