Parents, you really do matter after all! Let me explain...When it comes to Christianity and following Jesus, the fire of devotion & love for him seems to burn the hottest among "First Generation" believers. By "First Gen." I am referring to those who are the first to encounter the saving work of Christ in their family. They are the ones who were usually raised in a non-Christian home or were caught in an addictive life of sin and they saw their need for Jesus clearly and urgently. As Jesus says, "Those who are forgiven much, love much." Often a First Gen. man will marry a First Gen. woman, and together they will to run their home completely different than the way they were raised. It is exciting. To get to set new patterns of behavior and teach new habits as they try to raise a family of Second Generation children with Christ as the center is a great honor. However, this isn't as easy as you may think. First Gen. parents need to realize that how they visibly live out their faith on a daily basis in front of their children will have long lasting repercussions. If you are a First Gen. parent, you need to consider carefully what kind of Christianity you are modeling for your kids on a daily basis. The reason is simple: If Second Gen. children don't see the real thing, they won't really ever want the real thing. If you are telling your children you have the truth, but live in lies, your children will be inoculated from accepting the truth. This is an extremely dangerous situation for your children because your hypocrisy can immunize them away from a relationship with Jesus because the Jesus you have been presenting is a fraud. Let me show you practically how this happens. Here is a diagram that helps to illustrate what can happen to a newly married First Gen. couple. If you notice, they can choose two ways to live: The life of hypocrisy or authenticity. Hypocrisy as I am defining it means "to be a person split. What people see on your outside is not what is actually going on in your heart." Authenticity means "to be a person whole; what you see, is what is." The point of this diagram is to show you how your choices can result in major character differences in your children. (Note: this is a simplified generalization, but it will help explain some of the reasons why people turn out the way they do.) PANCAKE CHILDREN "Flipped like a pancake." This is what happens to the Second Gen. Child who sees the life their parents are living and want nothing to do with their obvious hypocrisy -- so they "flip". They purposely live diametrically opposed to their parents, thinking they are living a more honest and evolved life; but in reality they end up being just as hypocritical as their parents. How does this happen? I will give you a basic scenario... Mom and Dad leave their life of sin, but to make sure they don't fall back into their old habits they set up outward standards of righteousness that they militantly obey. Yes, they probably have genuinely encountered Jesus by faith, but they think they need to run to the law and it's rigid standards to stay pure; and they apply the law especially harsh on their children believing these outwards standards are keeping them away from a life of sin. I'm sure you have heard the fundamentalist drum-beat, "don't drink, don't do drugs, don't watch movies, don't dance, don't listen to rock n roll, and above all don't run with girls that 'do'!" This drum-beat mingles a righteous motive of staying pure with the poison of law. These same people often are politically rigid as well, on both sides: either they are pick-up truck driving republicans or union loyal democrats. They believe Christianity's goal is to bring your life under clearly defined limits; because they believe when you know the boundaries, you find security. The problem is, outward standards and boundaries are not Christ, nor do they penetrate your heart. As a result, your children will start to feel suffocated, and as they grow, they will flip. Ironically, since they are used to understanding the world by outward standards, they then set up their own standards, and leave the old ones behind. When you get rid of fundamentalist rules, all you have left are progressive liberal license. The godly call for purity is ignored because it has been polluted by legalism; so Second Generation children now only see righteousness as a person who is open to anything. In the Second Gen. mind, Jesus needs to be changed from a "hard-core tyrant of the legalist" to the "free-love accept everything hippie of the progressive." LIMP NOODLES KIDS Not all First Gen. parents turn to law; but many, out of fear and hatred of their old life, will do their best to control things. While this is not really a hypocritical move, it definitely is not a sign the First Gen. believers really trust the Spirit of Christ "to be faithful to complete the good work he has begun." So instead of being honest about the world and the darkness of every human heart, they hide from the world in the effort of keeping their kids safe. They accomplish this by shielding their kids from seeing any evil, or allowing them to have friends that may be regular everyday sinners - -so in their anxiety they do their best to keep them away from both. Life becomes all about home and church. Because as long as they can control what their children see and hear, they believe they are pleasing Jesus because they are keeping them pure. One problem: Jesus says the problem is deep in the heart itself! Many Second Gen. children who have been protected most of their life have two responses when it is time to grow up and move out of the house: (1) Extreme fear of failure and evil (2) Overwhelming interest in the offerings of the world. Usually the compliant kids, the ones who by nature are more timid, become ruled by fear as they get older because they realize their parents can't protect them any more -- and it is scary out there. So many shrink back and don't become the courageous people God really wants them to become. Or on the other hand, the strong willed kids can't wait to see and taste the forbidden fruit of the world. Just because you protect your child, doesn't mean you have confronted them with their need for a radical heart change. STEEL ROD SERVANTS Living authentic lives is tough because it means you need to be willing to do two things (1) To daily admit your need for Jesus to save you (especially in front of your kids) (2) Allow your kids to enter into situations where they must rely on Jesus for themselves. If your kids don't ever struggle and you protect them from everything, how are they ever going to fall in love with Him? The goal for Second Gen. children is to give them the experience of a First Gen. believer. I know, I know...you think that means you must let them go out and sin? NO...but, let them rub shoulders with real people, and let them figure out life on their own sometimes. I once heard it put: "A parent's job is to protect their kids from making choices that will destroy their lives; while they allow them to make choices that have the possibility of failure." Let them make honest choices and don't let them hide who they really are behind rules, rules and more rules. If a parent honestly needs Jesus daily, they will love the scripture and pray. Believe me, your kids will notice this! As a result, when their children ask them questions, the parents will direct them to Christ, and not rules. Remember, if Jesus is God, you as a parent don't have to be; that frees you up from always having to be right. And when your children sin or rebel, as a parent you will discipline because you know Jesus is watching. If you notice it is always about Jesus, not rules. If Second Generation children do not meet Jesus for themselves, they will be sitting ducks for the tempting array of goodies Satan has to offer. I am not saying I have this all figured out, but let me tell you what I do know for sure: "Hypocrisy and the Law embitters children every single time!" And the only thing I have seen that really is compelling to your children is "Authentic Humility." So to all parents...Good Luck, and may Christ be with You!
4 Comments
stacie
11/17/2014 05:46:37 am
This was great! With a husband who was raised in a home where Christ was not mentioned at all and then myself growing up in a house where, I hate to say it, Church was pushed and the Bible was preached but there was always dissension and adultery and lying...we have struggled to let go of his parents parenting style (super relaxed) and my legalistic, rule following background and daily giving ourselves up to Christ and our children. Bri often reminds me, "these kids are not ours...they are His"...that helps to keep that focus constantly when I'm disciplining and teaching! I do though look at Ginger and think you and Michelle have it all figured out...but there I go giving you credit and not God ;) great read again! thank you!
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Chris
11/17/2014 06:48:12 am
Stacie, I just had coffee with Ginger and told her that Jesus needs to be her guide. I love being her dad, but God is really her true Father. The beauty is that through the Holy Spirit, she gets it! praise God!
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Debbie D
11/18/2014 10:40:56 am
And for those of us who have been there done that, Thank goodness God knew our weaknesses and gave us wisdom to pray for those weaknessess, our children and now grandchildren, and now to lead by the grace we have been given and forgiven.....never to late!
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Debbie D
11/18/2014 08:06:50 pm
As I am reading through Jeremiah, I have seen my God get so angry with his people that severe punishment awaits them....scarey almost to the point of dreading God altogether. But then, in chapters 30-31, we get this breath of fresh air and we see him loving draw us toward himself. I have made mistakes over the years as a parent, but my God never gave up on me and I have words of hope to daily refresh my faith. "Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you", says the Lord. "Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, " says the Lord. Jeremiah 31:16-17. "I often have to punish him, but I still love him. That's why I long for him and surely will have mercy on him." Jeremiah 31:20
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