"The proverbs of Solomon: A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother." Proverbs 10:1 I once knew a man, a very wise and caring man. He had two sons.
One son grew up to be a leader of men. Very successful, with a heart for God. The other son took a pistol to his head and fired. One night in the darkness of his soul, the second son decided to selfishly end his life. No note was left, just a small handgun still clutched in a lifeless hand. The father blamed himself ... for years. I met him while he was teaching theology in one of my seminary classes. He was a very brilliant and thoughtful teacher, he also seemed to keep his personal feelings to himself - - that is, until one class when he began weeping uncontrollably in front of his students. I will never forget that class. It all began when a very arrogant student in class made this statement during a discussion on discipleship, "I see no reason in the world why a child who grows up in a godly Christian home shouldn't become a Christian? If a child doesn't accept Christ, it has to be the parent's fault for their unbelief." My professor, the man with two sons, looked at the student and in a low slow cadence replied, "I am not so sure you can make a blanket statement like that until you have children yourself?" The arrogant student retorted, "Oh sure I can. I was raised in a home where my parents properly taught me the scriptures and raised me in the 'fear and admonition of the Lord.' If other parents would be consistent and not so lazy, maybe our churches would be full of 'on fire' disciples? It is definitely the parents fault for apathy in the church." The man sat down, and remained silent while tears slowly began rolling down his cheeks. After about a minute he stood up and said, "People are broken and everyone needs the mercy of God if they are ever going to know the Savior. To blame the parents for lack of faith is not just wrong-headed, but cruel. There are many godly parents who are silently suffering because their children want nothing to do with God even though they did everything right. Remember, Ezekiel 18:20 says, 'The soul who sins shall die...The son shall not suffer the iniquity of the father, nor the father for the iniquity of the son.'" The student wouldn't quit, "I still say scripture places the onus on the father. Ephesians 6:4, 'Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.' See, clear as crystal - good fathers raise good sons.'" The teacher, with grief stricken eyes and pinched brow said, "My son shot himself." The room went silent. The arrogant student quickly hung his head. The teacher sobbed. After a few minutes he cleared his throat and said: "I am sorry for my outburst. Ten years ago while I was pastoring a medium sized church on the West Coast, I received a life-altering phone cal. My son was travelling home for the Thanksgiving holidays to see us, and while he was spending his layover in an airport hotel, he took out a small handgun and decided to end his life. It was the worst season of depression I ever experienced. For months and months I cried out to God asking why? I loved my son. All growing up my oldest son had a heart for God; but this son, my youngest, always wrestled with the deep questions of life. He was never satisfied by the answers. I tried to raise him right, I would often go to his room when he was a teenager and just talk to him, pray with him, and even plead with him. He never could trust the heart of God. For the next two years I blamed myself. Here I was a pastor, a teacher of theology, always the smartest one in the room, with a dead son. I poured over the scriptures, and the passages of parental responsibility seemed to point at me like an accusing judge, 'Raise a child in the way he should go...', 'Teach your child when you are rising up, walking down the road,...', etc., etc,' Then I decided to go to the book that had the most advice for child rearing, the book of Proverbs. I noticed immediately that in this book the tone was different, 'Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and jewels for your neck.' (1:8-9). 'My son, if you receive my words, and treasure up my commandments with you, then you will know the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.' (2:1-5). Proverbs seemed to be placing the responsibility of obedience of the response on the child. In the book of Proverbs, the majority of the time it is the son's choice to decide what kind of life he wants. Children are responsible too! Over the years I would go back to this book and keep reading it because it is clear, both parties have a role to play: the father in love teaches, the son in trust obeys. This book saved my life, I no longer felt condemned. My son made his own choice, he chose his own path. My grief is still intense, but I realized I cannot carry the guilt of another." The class said nothing, the arrogant student apologized, the teacher nodded in silent recognition. The answer is clear: The one who sins will die. Case closed.
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